Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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