is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
