I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
