i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
