I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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