so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
