Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
