The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
