I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
