neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Randomize
