But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
