The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
