now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Randomize