trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
