**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
