Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
