yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
