He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I need a hoe opinion
go on
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
