but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
