He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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