she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
