marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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