Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
