Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
