he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
