i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
