you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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