If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
