Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
