I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
