I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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