Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
