you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Randomize
