did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
