Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
she peed on how many people?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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