someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
