I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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