he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
