So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
