So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
