Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
