Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
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