Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
