The best revenge is premature balding
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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