He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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