haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
My vagina just recognized that song.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
