So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
