so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
