so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
