So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
