frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
