2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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