ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
